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Psychologist: "In addition to a super father's child, it is not safe, but it is difficult"



It is said that this child needs most parents to grow up as a personality in every family. But parents do not always look that far, sometimes they have their own imagination, and sometimes even a plan, how their child will grow and live. The so-called "super" or "ultra" parents, due to their children, do everything in their power, and ultimately do not have the feeling that they overwhelm them. An exaggerated, unconscious desire to regulate the lives of children in the smallest details becomes not only a barrier to natural development, but also can lead to psychological problems.

About me ultra and super father's and how to develop other children without breaking them, we talk with psychologist Asta Blande.

Perhaps many have met or at least heard about super-parents, and the supermat became almost universally recognized as a kind of description of the mother. I want to ask, not so much as what the great fathers do, what environment does he create for his children? What does it mean to grow up with super parents?

In fact, when it comes to super or ultra parents, we usually mean those who have full control over their own hands to take too much, and even overdo it with care in all possible aspects of a child's life. And often, from the very beginning, these parents create the impression of truly affirmative, interested children who are genuinely caring and active. However, over time you start to notice that not everything is so wonderful: it is difficult for both children's friends and children and teachers to communicate with such parents, and everyone feels that it is constantly tested and valued.

Parents notice, but they do not always understand why interconnections are becoming complicated. But for someone, you want to have constant questions, advice, feelings, as if you have been studying all the time, and the one who researches everything knows perfectly well, and your answer will always be only "out of trouble", only partial. What's more, I notice that in reality "omnipotent" super dads very often are interested in the subject and get to know things rather superficially.

The situation is really recognizable, but naturally the question arises, how are these parents becoming? What personality is created in such an environment?

Each case is individual. As I become such parents, I can only say after dealing with each of them. However, you can see some trends: sometimes it results from a sense of personality insecurity, which consists in finding yourself in an uncontrolled situation. Occasionally, only attention is paid to control that strengthens self-esteem, and sometimes from the very beginning of childhood, an example of particularly frequent and intense control is seen in the family. In other words, control is exercised by those who have seen or experienced this with fur.

It is a pity, but it is not always understandable that it is not as safe to have a child as a parent as safe as it is. It's difficult because you still feel just part of someone else. Because he makes decisions for you, even when you are asked for something, in reality everything happens exactly as your parents planned. Children, especially teenagers, are often ashamed of their friends because the face, advice and criticism of their parents are always scratched everywhere. In addition, it is important to remember one more thing: when constantly being occupied by others, it becomes really difficult to make decisions and responsibilities on your own.

School 2018, organized by the Ministry of Education and Science together with the Center for Education Development and Litexpo, will take part in simulations, help parents understand what it means not only to grow next to super parents, but also to feel different children in the family, school and society. Do you often need advice from parents who are bringing up another child or are they looking for help? In the end, what are other kids today?

When it comes to "other" children, most children come to mind with special needs, mental or developmental disorders. But I say a little bit more. "Other" children are those that distinguish themselves from the gray mass in their outfit, style, opinion, skills, action or inaction. Sometimes they have difficulty in communicating, learning and need extra help in adjusting behavior and emotional expression.

It is important to understand that there is always the privilege and challenge to be different. It all depends on how you get home or the environment. Sometimes it can even differ in social networks and create opinions of a certain group of people. On the other hand, thanks to technology, such a child can easily achieve a significant degree of intimidation and negativity.

I would say that now there are more "other" children than before. Therefore, at the Litexpo School 2018 exhibition, we will organize simulations that will allow both super parents and parents to raise other children to look at each other from the side. Thanks to the help of specialists, they will be able to learn new ways of behavior, see who really works and helps in dealing with the child, and which opens the way to new problems. Sometimes such a practice helps to stop and evaluate, maybe some changes are needed, because people who are close, do not experience the nicest feelings.

What advice would you have for parents bringing up another child?

In fact, the recipe is both simple and complex. I noticed that the adoption, warmth and love give birth to each child, and the second – also. Every child is capable and can not do anything, therefore the most important thing is to emphasize its strengths. Parents should also not forget that in every family there is just such a child that is most needed for parents, that adults as people and as personalities.

These simulations, which will be performed by actor Paul Taylor, will give parents the opportunity to see each other and be "childish coats". They will be tested in the "Litexpo" exhibition center at the "School 2018" exhibition, which will take place on November 23-24 in the Lithuanian Exhibition and Congress Center. This year, for the first time there will be a discussion on "Future School" at the exhibition, best practices will be made available between the founders of schools, the education center and school leaders, business and non-governmental organizations, teachers, students and their parents.


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